Dabney: Kristan, thank you so much for talking to me. I’ve loved so many of your books–thank you for all the joy you put into the world! One of your many gifts is to take topics that elicit deep emotions and present them in compassionate ways that limn the joys life offers.

In A Little Ray of Sunshine you’ve turned your talents to the complicated emotions and issues around adoption. What inspired you to write this story?

Kristan: I wanted to write a story about a woman with a big whopping secret and look at how that secret has defined her…and once told, how it redefines her. And, to be honest, I wanted to write a secret baby romance. But whenever I take on a beloved trope, I also want to put a twist on it, so in this case, the baby is almost 18 years old, and the hero is not the daddy.

As the novel begins, Harlow, now 35, faints when the child she gave up for adoption 18 years ago, walks into the bookstore she runs on the Cape. This young man, Matthew, decided he wanted to meet his birth mom. Harlow, however, is utterly unprepared for this. For starters, she never told anyone in her family she’d gotten pregnant and given up the child. It’s clear Harlow has never really made her peace with the choices of her past and your book explores in depth the pain many who give up their children experience. I’m curious how you researched the emotional issues around adoption, not just for birth parents, but for all parties concerned.

Since I’m not adopted and only have a brush with firsthand adoption experiences (offered to adopt a relative’s baby, dad was adopted by his stepfather, uncle who’s adopted), I went to the people who have lived that experience. I interviewed birth mothers, or first mothers as they’re now called; adoptive parents; and adoptees. I read stories on that repository of emotion we call Reddit, read books about the topic of adoption, listened to podcasts, watched a couple documentaries. Research is a favorite part of my job, and I always talk to people who have walked the walk.

Dabney: Harlow never had any other children or married in part because she felt that she didn’t deserve to after giving “her beautiful baby to someone else.” This broke my heart for her–it’s clear she has lived a smaller life than she might have had she not gotten pregnant. I struggled to understand why she felt that way–she knew that Matthew’s parents felt blessed beyond measure by her gift. A few years after Matthew’s birth, Harlow suffered a severe depression–do you think that her denying herself stems from that time in her life or is it caused by something else? Both?

Kristan: Yeah, Harlow is incredibly tough on herself, absolutely. Aren’t most of us women? She knows she could have kept her baby and that if she’d gone this route, his life wouldn’t have been awful. But she wants the ephemeral “better” for her son. She’s only 17, she just started college, and bam, she’s pregnant and, after a lot of soul-searching, chooses adoption. Her mental health crisis arises from denying with the difficulty of that decision and experience. By the time she’s back on her feet, the guilt she carries strangles off any chance of a healthy relationship that might lead to another baby (she would not be a person to choose single parenthood). Is she punishing herself? Absolutely. Does she deserve that punishment? Nope! And that’s addressed, too, that she deserves all the good things, and this decision was not something to be ashamed of. But because she’s avoided her past grief, she’s unable to move forward…until she starts falling for Grady, a single dad who was her friend in high school. His daughter is a huge trigger for her—does she deserve to help raise another person’s kid when she didn’t raise her own? Is she suited for it? What if she inadvertently hurt Luna in some way?

Part of this book is about how tough it is to be a mother. Whatever choices we make, society is ready to judge us. When are you going to have kids?You can’t get pregnant? Have you tried standing on your head/praying to St. Jude/going vegan/doing yoga? Oh, you’re pregnant and you had a glass of wine? Aren’t you worried about hurting your baby? You shouldn’t be drinking coffee. You’re not doing natural childbirth?Why? Are you going to nurse? For how long? Daycare? Oh, boy. You’re staying home with the baby? What about your career? Are you sleep training? Family bed? Preschool? Dairy? Gluten? You get the idea. As a mom myself, I wanted to dive into how it feels to do your best and feel like you’re coming up short, no matter how hard you’ve tried. That’s just part of the package. You will fail as a mother, and your kid will let you know how, when and if they’re going to forgive you. They can also be the most devastating judges, but of course, the ironic reward is simply their existence. It’s like you hand them your heart, say, “Slice it up, kid!” and they hand you back this sloppy, bloody mess and you say, “Thank you, honey!” And you mean it.

Dabney: For his part, Matthew after a happy childhood, has begun to struggle. This is common amongst adoptees (my husband and his siblings were all adopted and it’s something I’ve learned a lot about over the years). It’s a balancing act for his parents, Meena and Sanjay, to figure out how to respond to him. I loved the ways they worked to be good parents but you make it clear there are no easy answers for either Harlow or Meena and Sanjay. In the time you spent researching adoptive families, did you come away with a sense of what works and doesn’t work to help kids make their peace with their origins?

Kristan: I did SO much research on this! But even so, I’m on the sidelines for that question. From what I read and heard from the folks I talked with, the most important thing is to understand that adoptees have had an experience that is theirs and theirs alone, and we should listen and believe them when they share their stories and feelings. Maybe they feel completely blessed that they wound up with the family they had, like Cynthia in the story. Maybe it was a disaster. Maybe (most likely) it’s somewhere in between. Adoption isn’t a fairy tale.

Dabney: Your novels, be they your much missed romances or your more recent women’s fiction, all champion connection as key to happiness. In A Little Ray of Sunshine, both Harlow and her family as well as Matthew all, by the novel’s end, have redefined in key ways their relationships with one another. Here, as in all your books, you give all your characters–with the exception of Matthew’s loser birth dad–the opportunity to become their better selves. I wonder, do you see yourself ever writing a book that ends sadly? And how do you sustain your faith in humanity?

Kristan: Well, for one, all my romances are women’s fiction, and all my women’s fiction have romance. I hate that we still feel the need to divide the two genres. In every one of my books, a healthy romantic relationship is the reward for my protagonists having done the work of overcoming their demons. Most characters in my books are redeemed somehow (but as you said, there are a few exceptions). That’s the real element of a tragedy, I think…the failure to become a better person. In that respect, I don’t think I’ll ever write a book that’s about a person who stays stuck and turns away the chance to claim their better self.

Faith in humanity can be tough, especially with the plethora of news sources and social media. We live in an age where we can be horrified by imagery and stories at the touch of our fingertips. Want to feel bad about the world? Go to Twitter. Want to see people at their worst? Google “Karens.” Want to feel scared about the future? Read the news.

My cure is to connect with people—my family, my friends, my readers, a stranger in a parking lot. No one who runs into me is going to have a worse day because of it. I’m a pretty nice person by nature, and I work hard at leaving a good karmic footprint wherever I go. I hope. Like Red in the Shawshank Redemption, I hope.

Dabney: One of my very favorite things about this book was how much you honor the work of parenting. At one point you write that a parenting makes “Your heart, naked and vulnerable, is now in the form of another person, and your life is never completely your own again. It was worth it. It was so worth it.” Honestly, I cried when I read that. I felt so seen. Thank you. Who are the parents in your life that have inspired you?

Kristan: Hugs, Dabney! That line is from my own heart, and I wrote it thinking about my daughter and son. We sign up for that hostage type of situation the day we decide to become parents, willingly giving over peace of mind for the rest of our lives, right? And then we’re rewarded by their existence, their happiness, triumphs, their own adult journeys. It’s a pretty great deal, if you ask me.

I was privileged to grow up in a big family, watching my aunts and uncles have kids (I’m the oldest grandchild). As a teenager, I learned a lot about parenting as a babysitter…whose kids were happiest and safest? Whose watched too much TV? Who were the bratty kids? Who were the angels? What did their parents do to shape that? These days, I’m inspired by watching my own daughter and son-in-law raise my grandson. I knew they’d be great parents, sure, but seeing them in action is pure joy.

Dabney: In writing this book, what was the most interesting thing you learned about adoption?

Kristan: Big question! I’d say that the most interesting thing I learned is that it’s a never-ending state of being. It’s not just “and then I was adopted, end of story.” Being adopted has an impact for the rest of the adoptee’s life…and the birth mother’s, and the adoptive parents. I think those of us who are not in the adoption world need to respect that and make room for it.

Dabney: Lastly, what is next for you?

Kristan: I’m working on the third book in the Wellfleet series, called Look on the Bright Side. Another beloved trope—fake relationship. With a twist, of course!

Dabney: Thanks for talking with me. It is always a pleasure.