I lost my faith in God by thirteen, though not before giving the heavens every chance to make their case. I’d sit in my tree fort, legs dangling (it was the 70s and thus remarkably unsafe) thinking, “I’m here. Anytime now.” Perhaps I wasn’t doing it right, but the heavens never spoke to me. (I’ve always suspected that if there was a cosmic hotline, I was somehow calling the wrong number–the Almighty chats with my mom constantly.) Still, decades into agnosticism, I love Christmas. And I’m hardly unusual. At this point the holiday belongs to just about everyone, believers and not.

Why do I so love the season? For starters, it feels like many are, well, improved during the holidays. People seem kinder, more patient, and more willing to act decently toward strangers and even family. Groups manage to gather. Charitable donations spike. There’s music and sparkly lights and people happily wearing silly hats and ugly sweaters. I notice a lot more smiles. 

And though I don’t believe in the Christian creed, Christmas helps me understand why unconditional forgiveness has such a hold on so many. (I’m a big believer in forgiveness.) Any holiday that makes people feel as though they are loved, whether by deities, uncles and aunts, store clerks or over padded toddlers, that’s the holiday for me. 

So this year, I’ll send gifts, admire my decorated tree, have dinner with my family, and attend every holiday party I’m lucky enough to be invited to. (I miss parties–when I was younger it seemed as if everyone had them and now they’re like unicorns.) I’ll go caroling with friends and get teary during Silent Night. Mostly, I’ll try to send a little goodwill into the world and thank all those who send the same my way. 

Whether you celebrate or not, I hope the season brings you peace, joy, and hot chocolate. Much love.