Yesterday, I sat down for a marvelous Thanksgiving meal–the chef, one of my nephews, is a serious foodie (Did you know you could make a very good stuffing with broccoli?)–with 21 members of my family. The group included my husband, three of my children and their spouses/fiancees, my three siblings and their kids, my mother, and two friends that have become family. We’re a group, as my mom says, of all chiefs and no Indians. (She grew up in an era where the moniker Native American didn’t exist.) We’re not perfect–we are overly critical of each other and almost every one of us is sure that the way we do things is the best way which can make it difficult to, oh, load the dishwasher. We argue, grumble, and, at any given time, someone(s) is quite irritated with someone(s) else. 

But, several times a year, we all show up for family vacations where we eat, take long walks, hit the tennis/pickleball courts, watch movies (This year we introduced my 88 year old mother to Midnight Run), play games (Fishbowl is a fabulous game for a big group), and laugh over old family stories. We work to use the right pronouns for the non-binary kid and to get everyone to do a stint washing dishes. We spend a lot of time discussing anything and everything. We make an effort not to get in any stupid fights–and when we inevitably do, we endeavor to move on.

This year I am, more so than ever, profoundly grateful for the gift of time with those I love. Two weeks ago, one of my daughter’s best friends, a lovely, giving 29-year-old man, was killed in a senseless car accident. A father and son were drag racing on city streets and slammed into my daughter’s friend’s car at ninety-five miles an hour. His date—their third—died instantly; he was declared brain-dead forty-eight hours later. I can’t imagine being these young people’s parents. When I think of those phone calls to the parents of those two young people, my heart seizes. Deaths such as these–random, unexpected, almost beyond bearing–make me grateful, so grateful, I still have time with those I deeply love. And they leave me determined to not have relational regrets–the truth is that every time you see someone, that day could be the last you’ll ever have with them.

Life is unpredictable, sometimes brutally so. I am so damn lucky to be able to sit, year in and year out, at holiday tables with my family and friends. Such moments are fragile and astonishing–and you’ll have more of them if you love fiercely and forgive easily. I’ve always been a sucker for love and, after this year, I’m more grateful for it than ever. 

I hope you too have family and friends that you are grateful for and that this holiday season gives you time with them. And I thank all of you for the community we have here. I’d hug you all if I could!