I think I do.
It’s not the most common beginning to a love story, but I have seen it happen. And when it does, it deserves to be taken seriously. Love at first sight is not magic, and it is not enough on its own. But it can be the start of something real. People come to love in different ways, and this is one of them.
That is why the results of this year’s Singles in America survey stood out to me. Match, working with the Kinsey Institute, asked 5,000 single adults whether they believe in love at first sight. Sixty percent said yes. Nearly half said they had experienced it. The participants represented a wide range of ages and locations. Amanda Gesselman, one of the lead researchers, said the results “sort of blew me away.” I understood her reaction.
We often hear that dating has lost its meaning. Many believe that people are no longer serious, that no one follows through. But most daters still want to connect. The challenge is not a lack of desire. The challenge is how difficult it has become to move from interest to something lasting. The effort feels constant, and the returns are often disappointing.
Because dating can be hard, people often try to make decisions early. They look for signs of compatibility before anything has a chance to unfold. They want reassurance before they risk much of themselves. It is a reasonable instinct, especially for those who have been disappointed. But it can leave very little space for surprise.
Love at first sight offers something different. It does not require logic or proof. It does not ask anyone to wait and see. It offers the chance to feel something real before the facts are known. That does not make it naive. It just makes it rare.
Romance novels have always taken that possibility seriously. One character sees another, and everything shifts. Sometimes the moment begins in desire. Sometimes it feels like recognition. In the strongest stories, that first feeling deepens. The connection holds because the story builds on it, not because it needs to defend it. Even when the moment does not lead anywhere, it still matters. The genre knows that love does not always start slowly.
So I am asking: Have you felt it—love, not just interest, from the first look? Have you read a book where that moment felt real to you? Have you read one where it did not?
As always, I would love to know your thoughts!
Yes, I believe it can happen because it happened to me – that feeling of recognition, of somehow knowing there was a connection and it was not going to go away. Even though he is with someone else, you are married and live 5,000 miles apart. And it can take several years, a lot of self-examination, faith, hope and charity with both those who criticise you and with yourself. It’s both painful and exhilerating and, if you are lucky, an outcome of supreme joy and enduring love.
No. Attraction, yes of course. But it takes time to get to know someone properly and I don’t think you can really love someone without knowing them.
Not love, precisely, but more than attraction. More the feeling that this is someone I could fall in love with. (It took three months from first date to wedding, and we’ve been married now for 58 years.)
My two greatest, “aphrodisiacs” are, “impressive” and, “attracted to me” (there is a large, but not complete streak of reciprosexuality in me) and neither of those really allow love at first sight.
I love, and am currently rewatching Dharma and Greg but love at first sight is a turnoff in stories for me.
Sparks at first sight, yes. Love, no.
Like seantheaussie, love at first sight is a turnoff in stories. I’ll go further and say it is boring.
Short answer no I believe in lust at first sight, I don’t think you can love someone you don’t know. This is why I dislike the love at first sight trope in romance.
If someone believes in love at first sight that’s okay, I just don’t personally.
I have the same thoughts about love at first sight as I do about ghosts: I’m skeptical, I’ve never personally experienced it, but I’m not ruling it out. I do think it’s possible to “click” with someone at first meeting, to think, “Yes, you’re one of my people,” but that doesn’t necessarily lead to love or romance.
I definitely do, or at least something very close to it. Everyone has different experiences and backgrounds, so saying there’s no such thing only means there’s been no circumstanses in your life where it could happen.
When I met Will I’d been divorced from a bad situation, and I had a very solid idea of what I wanted and didn’t want in a partner. (I was 28 and he was 24.) We really talked for the first time on a 4th of July weekend trip with our young adults church group when we sat in the back of the car for a 4 hour trip. I can honestly say by the time we arrived we were a couple. We spend two days hiking and talking and had our first official date on July 4th. He asked me to marry him less than three weeks later, and we were married a little over 5 months after we met.
Yes, there were sparks, but mainly there was this bone-deep sense of rightness. We had very similar desires for the future.
Will has been my best friend and lover since we met 42 years ago this 4th of July. We’ve weathered the loss of a child, along with very difficult life situations. I can honestly say our marriage has never been in trouble. Neither one of us is perfect by any stretch, but we’ve simply worked as a couple since day one.
Needless to say, if it’s well done I don’t have any problems believing stories where couples fall in love very quickly.
That’s so lovely, Carrie. Thanks for sharing your story.
I have seen it happen! So yes.
I’m not going to judge anyone else’s real life story because as the saying goes, there is more in heaven and earth, etc. In books it is all about execution. Where does the author take her story and how does she get there? That is what matters to me.
Eh. I don’t think it’s judging to say the concept does or doesn’t make sense to you.
My partner was love at first sight. I saw him walking up to me to introduce himself and the second our eyes my heart stopped and I knew that this man was it. It was truly an earth-shattering moment that I can’t really put into words. I know beyond a doubt that he’s my perfect soulmate.
It’s probably why I enjoy the fated mate trope so much, especially scenes with the spark of recognition when they first meet. I think fantasy and paranormal are able to amp it up to extreme levels that work nicely for me. Mafia sometimes does it really well too. I also like gentle recognitions in historicals.
So, when I was 21, I went to a movie on campus–Blow Out, the Italian version–by myself–somewhat of an unusual thing to do in 1982. I was waiting in line to buy a ticket when I saw this man and I fell like a ton of bricks. I waited until he’d bought a ticket, then sat a few seats away from him and–oh, I felt so brave!–asked him if I could read a section of the paper he’d brought. (It was the Sunday NYT.) After the film we started talking and I continued to feel I’d finally met HIM. We began dating, fell in love, and I was planning our future…..
Then, he fell in love with someone else. (They are still married to this day.) My heart was shattered. It was rough.
I healed, a few years and other men went by and then, one night at a bar, a guy came up to ask me to dance. He looked awfully geeky to me. But, after the dance, we started talking and we talked until 5am. I came home and woke my roommate up and said, “I’m going to marry that guy.”
It wasn’t, with Dr. Feelgood–we’re coming up on our 37th anniversary–love at first sight. It was more love at first encounter. I thought–and I still think–he was the most interesting person I’d ever talked with. (I can’t tell you how thrilled I was, a week later, to find out he kissed like a dream.)
So, I’d say I have experienced both love at first sight and love at first meeting. The second is the one I ended up with–and it’s clear to me that I would never have been as happy with movie man as I am with my husband–but both experiences were profound and meaningful.
Thanks for sharing! I appreciate that I now have the phrase “love at first encounter”!
Definitely believe it exists, but it’s not common, takes certain types of personalities, and can often be confused with lust at first sight. Love is a choice after all, so some people choose to fall in love instantly.
I’m late to the discussion. I think it exists, but it’s unusual since it has a certain spiritual component? It goes beyond the physical, which is lust at first sight. It’s, I don’t know, soul recognition? Sometimes you get along really well with someone, but it’s not love, just chemistry. Unfortunately, this Insta-love trope usually applies to the heroine looking at the hero and being impressed by his muscles and how handsome he is. He looks at her and, after thinking about her long legs, thick thighs, and big tits, thinks he loves her.
Yeah–that doesn’t work for me.
I’m not sure how one can say one loves somebody at first sight. Do you know them? Are they kind, smart, caring, or actually a jerk in charming sheep’s clothing? I believe that one can be attracted at first sight and love who you think they are. Sometimes when the stars align and luck is on your side, your first impression was correct. But I believe that love depends on actually knowing someone, knowledge that can begin at once but takes time to grow and deepen.
I hear you AND I do think there can be mystical connections where you meet someone and you just KNOW. Or course, you could be wrong! And only time will show you whether you were.