For some time now, I have noticed the same fear surfacing among parents my age. They worry that their own children may one day cut them off.

I am not talking about truly abusive families. Some estrangements are necessary. Some parents are genuinely abusive and distance is a reasonable response. But much of what is now described as cruelty is nothing of the sort. It is criticism, disagreement, disappointment, inconvenience, and obligation. It is the ordinary wear and tear of family life.

It is not cruel to tell a child who dreams of becoming Taylor Swift that talent is rare and a backup plan is wise. It is not cruel to remarry when widowed even if your child would rather you not. It is not cruel to ask a child to come to family occasions that would not be their first choice. These actions may be painful, irritating, or unwelcome. But they are not abuse.

What has changed? It is not that parents have become monsters. It is that many now conflate ordinary friction with genuine mistreatment. This is more than slippery language. This fear of being cast out changes how people live. Parents become tentative and watchful, afraid that one wrong remark will be treated not as a mistake but as a wedge. Families grow more guarded, less candid, and more fragile.

I do not think the answer is to become frightened of our children or endlessly audition for their approval. We have to trust them more than that. Our children are not strangers off the street. They are ours. We know them. We can believe that even when they are angry with us, they are still capable of recognizing the difference between a flawed parent and a monstrous one. We can believe they love us as we love them.

We can also accept that we are not perfect. Every one of us will, at some point, say the wrong thing. We will fail to understand something important. We will make mistakes we cannot entirely repair. But if we are trying in good faith to love our children and raise them honestly, that matters. It matters even if the outcome is not wholly ours to control. No parent gets a guarantee. But if we trust our children and trust ourselves, we have more reason for hope than for fear.