Google the phrase “self-care” and you’ll see endless entries. Self care is all about looking after yourself. It means taking the time to tend to your physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being, says on site. Another says Self-care is important to maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself. Doing so enhances our ability to live fully, vibrantly, and effectively. Suggestions to do so include:
- Exercise.
- Meditation and mindfulness.
- Goal setting.
- Diet and gut health.
- Sleep
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Dance
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Listen to music.
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Read regularly
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Pursue hobbies
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Seek support
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Prioritize medical care
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Unplug
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Practice gratitude
These all sound like good things to do and I already do them all (with varying levels of success and commitment.)
But today, I’m looking for more specific things. A week ago I was diagnosed with Stage One breast cancer and suddenly my life is full of doctor’s appointments, pictures of breast reconstructions, and tough decisions about what is the best treatment for me. It’s a lot and I’m exhausted. Fortunately, Dr. Feelgood retired last year and my health and wellness is his current mission in life. (If only he could research genetic testing and cadaver grafts while also giving me a backrub. I’d never consider trading him in again!)
I find I’m easily distracted so self-care that involves sitting around isn’t really working for me. So I thought I’d ask you guys: what do you do when you are stressed and you need to treat yourself to something or do something that will make you momentarily feel better?
Much love,
Dabney
I am so very very sorry for you!
Illness and the accompanying worries and fears taking over our lives – hopefully only temporarily – is so hard and heavy. I am glad you have a strong competent partner at your side – I pray for you!
I dose myself with lots of nature: small walks, sitting in the garden, watching the sky – I consciously connect to the beauty and greatness of nature, just for a couple of minutes, going through my day. Looking up at the sky for a moment and seein the clouds, feeling the sun, admiring raindrops – helps me every time.
I wear favorite clothes consciously going for beloved scarves or sweaters to feel good.
I reread old favorites that warm my soul or make me laugh.
I plan tiny treats like a glass of luxury juice or a truffle, to sweeten up a moment.
I consciously reach out LO lovely people.
I allow myself to consciously avoid ugliness where I can – people, situations, chores – where I can.
Lots of small loving gestures towards me, as I would give them to others, with me in the focus.
Oh, I am so sorry that you are going through such a tough, tough time.
My biggest indulgence is flowers. They are in every room. Not big, showstoppers, but little bouquets. I notice that my eyes automatically go to the flowers when I enter every room. Even one flower with greenery makes a little gem. I especially recommend the beautiful and cheap flowers at Trader Joe’s. You can’t beat their orchids–for about $20, you get a beautiful orchid that blooms for a couple of months. (Don’t be afraid to buy one–they are the easiest plants to maintain and with fertilizer, they will rebloom for you. Just run tepid water through them, once a week.)
I do my best (with varying success) not to “awfulize,” as one of my friends calls it. I listen to the music I love–Gershwin and Cole Porter, sung by Frank Sinatra. (Yes, yes, I am really dating myself, but these are such lovely songs). I play religious hymns and pray, especially for other people. I take my dog for a walk every day.
Oh, and another thing: I watch the table of content on the news in the beginning and fast forward anything that I can do nothing about or that just increases my anxiety about the election and the world. I don’t read anything that depresses or bores me–and try to avoid people who do the same.
Oh, yes, another thing: lean on the people who love you. Allow them to help you and ask for what would make your life easier. My bet is that you’ve been a caretaker; now is the time to learn how to accept help, and even to ask for it.
Oh, another couple of things: help other people when you can–you’ll feel better, and it will help you not to become self-centered and narrow. Wave and smile (yes, really–it’s good for your body) to everybody in car or walking in your neighborhood.
My house is always full of Trader Joe’s orchids and artistic fake flowers.
And people have been bringing me flowers–I love them!
So sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Best wishes for the least invasive interventions possible with a full recovery. For self-care, I give myself occasional permission to let things slide. I don’t mean to be a slob or to ignore truly urgent matters, but just to postpone something (groceries, laundry) that doesn’t have to be done right this minute. Just sitting with my feet up, reading a book and knowing that I don’t have anything that has to be taken care of immediately is a perfect refresher.
So sorry to hear this Dabney! Having spent the last year or more trying to figure out a medical condition myself, I can really relate. It was hard to do many of the things I normally would have loved to do, including reading. Others here have wonderful suggestions – with many more to come I’m sure – but I would also offer these two observations.
First, it is okay to be “stuck” and not get something (or anything) done while you are waiting. Just let yourself be.
Second, doing something with someone else was frequently more of a distraction than anything I might have tried to do for or by myself eg meet for coffee, go on a walk, run an errand.
Best wishes for a full recovery!
Many great suggestions here. One of my Rules of Life is “Music makes everything better.” But my favorite thing is watching old movies. I love the Marx Brothers and the screwball comedies of the 30s, like The Thin Man series, My Man Godfrey, You Can’t Take It With You, etc. Anything slightly silly or with lots of witty banter will always raise my spirits. Even the Muppet Show! Praying for your full recovery.
So sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Two things have gotten me through the darkest of times. Exercise — swimming or going for a run are powerful de-stressers. Listening to comics on YouTube — just even a short clip, cause sometimes that’s all the time I have.
Lots of great suggestions here – pick and choose what works best for you! And focus on the good news – it’s stage one, you have access to great medical care ( I assume ) and a partner you can rely on. These three things are what got me through my stage one lung cancer diagnosis last winter -those and the support of a circle of wonderful friends. Let your friends “do” for you – say yes to any help offered. After my surgery, I kept telling myself every day is one day closer to recovery. As simple as that sounds, it helped.
You have the whole Romance community pulling for you and keeping you in their prayers. Best wishes.
Thank you. I do feel really lucky with my support. <3
An another to the list of those who are so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. It appears there are many reasons to be hopeful (caught early, family support, access to world class medical care).
Prior posts have had all sorts of good advice, and I’m sure there are many things you can take from them to help you get through the next stages of your care. I remember “Thirtysomething” – which definitely dates me – when one of the characters had cancer. For a show that was criticized as being too yuppy, it actually had a lot of Real World angst (not to mention some of the best workplace depictions I’d seen). Maybe watching something like that, counterintuitive as it seems, would help. And, spoiler alert, Nancy survives.
I never watched Thirtysomething though I remember it. I do think watching shows you’ve watched before can be soothing–I’m doing that with Battlestar Galactica!
I’m so sorry about your diagnosis. Hope the treatment process goes as easily as possible and that long-term remission is on the horizon soon.
Self-care can look different for me depending on the feeling. If I’m angry or frustrated or depressed, it can mean running, or drinking a hot beverage, calling friends, or going on a long walk and trying deliberately to get lost.
If I’m grieving or worried about a health emergency, I usually need therapy to get out of my head and thoughts.
So sorry to hear about your diagnosis and glad you have the strong support of your husband. For me, reading romance and watching TV have always been my self care but the others here have provided so many other great ideas. Whatever course you decide, I hope it goes smoothly.
My best wishes to you, Dabney, for a successful outcome. I am sure we will all be thinking of you. Personally, for me, in dealing with the overwhelming, awful and sad is just to KCKBO: Keep Calm and Keep Buggering On. Not for everyone but it’s sustained me through some recent personal tragedy. I try to remember I have one life and I must look to the positives. Good luck to you and yours. xxoo
I’m so very sorry to hear about this challenge to your health and it’s good to hear that you’ve got a supportive partner by your side. Reading romance has always been one of my go-tos when I need to feel better. I also will watch a favourite movie/tv show or comedy clips on YouTube. Laughter is always good for the soul. I send you all my best wishes for a swift and successful recovery
I don’t know that it qualifies as self-care, but in times of stress I cook. Not anything healthy. Cakes, cookies, puddings — something soft and sweet. The more complicated, the better.
Alternatively, back when I still could, I went out to work in the garden. Demolishing weeds and hacking back overgrown shrubs can be very therapeutic.
But returning to reality, I hope things work out well for you. Stage one has a good prognosis, as I’m sure you know, Bob.
I just made brownies! I hear you.
I suggest walking in nature, if you’re up to it, and dropping commitments that don’t give you energy.
Sending love.
I’m sorry to hear those news. I hope everything goes all right in the end. And as you have asked, I’ll try to tell what things help me cope in bad times.
When something bad happens to me, I’d rather talk with my best friend. She is one of those ‘vitamin people’, rather down-to-earth, but at the same time if there’s a silver lining, she will find it.
Apart from that, I want to be left alone, on my couch, with a blanket and my tea. If I have energy to read a book, I prefer a hardcover. And if someone is with me, my husband or my children, I like them to be there, but not forcing to talk if I don’t want to. They are so close to me that they will suffer, the same as I do, so I have to cope with their emotions as well. And you don’t always have the power to do it. With a friend is different, there’s not so much emotion.
When things go awful, sometimes it helps me to go to the beach and lose my gaze in the horizon or following the flight of the seagulls. That helps me to empty my mind of the things that worry me.
I love music, and books and the movies, and they can cheer me up if I’m just so-so, but if it is something seriously wrong, I cannot enjoy this common pleasures.
Hi Dabney
I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis.
I also dealt with breast cancer diagnosed in 2021. I had a mastectomy, no reconstruction, chemo and herceptin. I didn’t require radiation and I’m now on a 5 to 10 year course of an aromatase inhibitor because of the breast cancer I had. It’s so overwhelming. It’s a huge amount of information to digest.
But here I am 3 years later, feeling fantastic and thankful for all the kindness and terrific care I received from the hospital, family and friends. I’m in better shape now than I was 4 years ago and my mindset is positive. It took along time to get there.
If I can suggest anything it is to accept help. Be kind to yourself. Walking was like therapy for me.
All breast cancers are different so my course of treatment was very different from a good friend.
I stayed away from Dr. Google and only went to cancer hospital websites for info. I received a massive amount of paperwork with info on all my chemo and upcoming chemo appointments and scans.I put all the info into a binder .
I also started a journal and took photos of my hair loss journey and recovery. So much more I could say but I understand how you’re going to get a whole lot of information .
I do wish you the very best . There’s been so many improvements in breast cancer treatments. You’ll be in great hands.
I’m curious what your side effects are on the aromatase inhibitors?
I have some joint pain in my hands and my hair is a little thinner on top. I have a great hairdresser who has made it less noticeable though and I’m keeping it short. High cholesterol is common and I have a yearly check. All is good. I have a yearly bone density scan and I have to take a calcium/vit D supplement.
I was quite worried to start the AI but the side effects have been very manageable for me.
That’s good to know. Thanks. <3
Hi Dabney, I am so sorry you are dealing with this challenge. I hope your treatments are not too onerous. My husband had his own cancer journey, and it was a difficult one. The harder the journey, the more sources of support you need. You may not have energy to go for a walk or garden or even read a book. Look into all healing modalities which are compatible with your treatment protocol. Assemble a really good care team, well beyond the MD’s. Nutrition, physical therapy, OT, acupuncture, massage, cranial sacral therapy, etc. can all be very beneficial. Don’t wait until you are feeling badly. Find trusted practitioners and establish those relationships soon so they are strong when you really need them. Gather recommendations for books, movies and tv shows that will make you laugh. Nurture your spirituality in any way that works for you. Your mind and body need to be healing together. I wish you all the best and will keep you in my prayers.
I’m so sorry to hear this for you. I was diagnosed in June of ’22 with stage1 DCIS. I had a lumpectomy and then 31 rounds of radiation, no chemo. I started letrozole that August. I have not had any side effects, to my great relief. I know many do experience them, but I am one of the lucky ones. I was told to expect 10 years of this treatment, but I am feeling hopeful and grateful. Sending you peaceful and healing vibes for a quick recovery.
That’s good to know.
I won’t know my plan of treatment until next week but whatever I do, it will involve the aromatase inhibitors or Tamoxifen for at least five years. So it’s good to hear from someone they don’t bother!