Romance has always had a complicated relationship with sex. Not with desire—that’s a given—but with how desire is handled on the page. Is it explicit? Is it suggestive? Does it unfold in detail or dissolve with a fade to black? Lately, I’ve found myself thinking about how central sex is—or isn’t—to a romance novel’s emotional impact, and wondering where readers stand.
I’ve long preferred my romances on the steamy side. Not indiscriminately—I want the scenes to count—but I’ve always been drawn to stories where physical intimacy plays a vital role in how two people fall in love. The right sex scene can be transformative. The love scenes in, oh, Written on Your Skin by Meredith Duran or The Wicked King by Holly Black—are those where sex doesn’t just amplify the emotional stakes, it defines them. I’ve been reading romance since I was a teenager, never told to avoid it, never steered away from the genre’s messiness or sensuality. Maybe that freedom made me more attuned to stories where desire is written with seriousness and care.
That said, I know many readers feel differently. For them, closed door romance isn’t a compromise—it’s a preference. When sex is implied rather than shown, the emotional narrative can feel clearer, even more resonant. There are authors who write beautifully within those lines, crafting romance that hums with longing but never steps over it. I may not respond to those stories in the same way, but I can still admire the craft behind a well-handled fade to black.
Ultimately, what I’m looking for isn’t a particular heat level—it’s meaning. I want sex scenes, when they’re there, to reflect character. I want them to feel earned, revealing, necessary. If they’re just there to fill a quota, I’d rather skip them. But if a book pulls away too quickly, if it dodges the physical in a way that feels evasive rather than intentional, I notice that too. It’s a delicate balance, and when it’s right, it deepens everything.
So I’m curious: where do you fall? Do you want to see it all, or do you prefer a more discreet approach? And which authors, in your opinion, write desire—whether fully realized or left simmering—best?
Open door but not too explicit I think some readers now want love scenes that are more erotica than romance. So I like open door but not too extreme ,it’s fine if they like it but I don’t.
And I would say the chemistry is more important than the love scenes it’s self if there is no chemistry it’s pointless. I think that’s the problem of late is that I don’t feel the chemistry in newer romance it feels flat. Like the Metoo movement has effected that maybe.
Interesting. I’m going to think about that but I think you are onto something.
I agree. I mainly read HR and it feels like many of the newer writers sand off any jagged edges in their characters. They don’t want to take the chance of something offensive getting through but then they lose the possibility of growth in their imperfect characters.
I still like and reread Sherry Thomas ,Meredith Duran and Madeline Hunter who sadly passed away recently, other two don’t write HR anymore. I’m a bit nervous for the future of the sub genre if it will just disappear in the near future possibly.
I agree
And I think they don’t want to be cancelled either so I don’t really blame them people on the internet can be pretty vicious I think that’s what happened to Lisa kleypas.
I like both, as long as it helps define the characters or move the plot. I will say that I am skimming the sex scenes more often these days. I don’t think I’m getting to be more of a prude in my not so young any more age. I think I just find some of the sex scenes to be unnecessary as I already feel the connection between the two main characters. Sex can add excitement to the story, but it can also get boring. It must be hard to find that happy medium, just enough sex but not too much.
Totale agree!
Provided there is plenty of chemistry and sexual tension, I don’t really mind either way – I’ve said before that some authors can do as much with a kiss or a touch as others can do in a full-blown sex scene. I do think there’s such a thing as too much of a good thing, though, and there’s definitely been a move in recent years towards some romances going overboard with the sex. I like a bit of steam as much as the next person, but I want a sex scene to illuminate something about the characters and their dynamic, not to just be a by-the-numbers “tab A into slot B” affair, and after a while, if there is a LOT of sex, it all starts to look the same and I just end up skimming through those scenes. (I suspect authors are responding to reader demand though – I see a lot of reviews that only talk about how hot the sex is in a book!)
OTOH, there have been a couple of times where I felt an authorial choice NOT to write a sex scene had a negative impact on the way the relationship was developed and missed the opportunity to create more intimacy between the characters.
Ultimately, it’s about what works for the characters and the story. There’s one series I’m currently following in which the leads haven’t jumped into bed yet – and when they do, I’m hoping we don’t get pages and pages of raunchy sex and dirty talk, because it just won’t fit the overall tone of the books and would be sadly out of character.
“– I’ve said before that some authors can do as much with a kiss or a touch as others can do in a full-blown sex scene. ” YES! The scene where Marquess of Dain is taking off Jessica’s gloves in a public tea house is hot, and feels steamy even though it’s really just had-holding, for instance.
Oh yes indeedy! Titillation of this sort is for me so lovely when there is real chemistry between the leads and it requires a great deal of skill for the author to pull it off. I also like it when there is hot anticipation (or even virginal apprehension), the door closes and we next meet the pair waking up, in that lovely afterglow of good sex and then you know that an HEA is on the cards. I think this tends to work best in HR as it give a nod to the reality of the different moral concepts of the past.
I’m intrigued by Dabney’s question about books where the actual sex (on page) is important to the plot, and the book that comes to mind is The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang. It’s a sex lessons trope, and for me it does a fantastic job of showing how intimacy builds intimacy, and considering he’s an escort, and she’s neurodivergent, there’s some real obstacles for them both. Love theoretically by Ali Hazelwood is another one where it feels crucial.
Thankfully, there are a lot of romances where the sex scenes are integral to the relationship development. Unfortunately, there are LOADS that feel like a string of sex scenes held together by a minimal plot.
As with many discussions, it depends on the author’s skill. Zero to many sex scenes can feel like the right number depending on the setting, plot, and other story elements. Young women who eagerly engage in lots of sex in ANY setting before the mid-to-late 20th century WITHOUT SOME EXPLANATION from the author for why they are willing to break cultural norms tend to break the “historical” label for me.
Two Regency-set examples provide a contrast: Venetia by Heyer has NO sex scenes, yet I suggested it for a luscious love story list many years ago before I realized that label was a euphemism for sex-rich love stories. OTOH, sex scenes (especially the first) are critical in Ravished by Amanda Quick.
In my Genre Labels essay years ago I said “The Romance Quotient is the portion of the book devoted to genre romance content OR advancing the relationship even though at one level it could be categorized as belonging to another genre.” Sex scenes that don’t advance the relationship are where I would put the boundary for too many. Too few would be leaving out sex scenes needed to understand the developing relationship.
Prefer open door but the sex has to be crucial to the character development/love story and/or plot. Sex for sex’s sake is boring. It’s also a matter of writing style. I don’t want to see Darcy going to town on Elizabeth, for instance.
I’m weird. I generally skip sex scenes (like most men I prefer my erotica to be visual) but I prefer them to be there.
I’ll read any well-written romance, no matter how inexplicit or explicit it is. I’ve had great times with closed-door romances and great times with erotica.
I read romance for the emotional connection and I skim a lot of sex scenes. I don’t mind if there is no sex in the book BUT if the characters are going to have sex at all within the timeframe of the story then I want to experience that, even if described very briefly.
I rarely come across closed door/fade to black romances these days but I remember reading a few in the past (back when they were mail order paperbacks and the content was more of a surprise) that felt like a cop-out on the part of the author, who had created a lovely developing relationship and then left a big hole in the middle of it. I never read those authors again because I don’t enjoy feeling like I’m missing an important part of the story.
I frequently skim over sex scenes these days because all too often they seem generic, as if they have been tucked in as a requirement. Or else the surrounding book is there simply to provide an excuse for the sex scenes.
My classic example of a good sex scene is the one between Hawker and Justine in The Black Hawk. It’s good because it’s important to the characters and to the story. It matters.
Yes, that’s the perfect example.
I feel that way about most of Bourne’s sex scenes. They illuminate the relationship and feel necessary.
I do not care for sex scenes. Usually cringy and not well done. Me as a teen reading romances with all my hormones LOVED it. The hotter the better. I grew up in the 80’s lol. But now meh. I can skim usually.
What I have posted here does not belong in this particular blog post. But there is no other place to post it. So here it is:
Reese Witherspoon has launched a new podcast that focuses on romance novels:
“Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club
If you too have raced through Emily Henry’s moreish romcom novels, you’ll want to tune in to this new podcast from Reese Witherspoon’s book club. Henry is the first guest, along with director Yulin Kuang, who is bringing her stories to the big screen. They’re talking all things romance with host Danielle Robay, who will continue to meet authors in a series made for listening to in a sunny park. Hollie Richardson, The Guardian
Widely available, episodes weekly”—
Things like this are what the Agora forum is supposed to be for, although I know some people find it difficult to access it. Are you able to post there?
Did not try. I only see KU deals there. I have not seen any discussion there in a long time
There’s pretty much no way to have a pinned blog post for conversation. We’ve got the forums and we’ve got blog posts at this point.
Give it a try. Readers have said they would like somewhere for discussion, and the only way that can happen is if other readers start them. I know that some people had problems logging in and I honestly don’t know if that’s been fixed. But that is definitely the place for your comments.
The issue with our forums is that if we don’t have a secondary authorization for signups we get endless spam. Like 25K a week spam. I will look to see if I can make it easier but it’s hard.
Another one (there should be a space somewhere here where we can post romance related things that catch our eye)
Chance Encounters
A new series of the feelgood pod from CNN, about platonic and romantic relationships forged while travelling. Fans of Emily in Paris (and her jaunts to Rome) are sure to lap up the first episode, which is all about a charming love story that began at Trevi fountain between Catherine and Fausto – with Catherine’s mum in tow.
Widely available, episodes weekly