My oldest son is getting married in April. He is the first of our children to wed. The ceremony will be in India, where he lives. For this wedding, our family is mostly just showing up–the bride and her family are planning the event which is in her hometown.
What advice do you have for me? What wedding tips, warnings, and great stories can you share? And, yes, I am SO excited!
While the first romance that ever really registered with me is Sweet, Savage Love (and I attribute that to it being the first book in which the sex was varied and, for the time, explicit), the first romance novel I read was–and I have no idea which–one of Barbara Cartland’s 723 books. I read hundreds…
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It’s the first day of 2021 and, really, it’s not a moment too soon. Worst year ever? No. That goes to 1348 when the Black Death wiped out half of Europe. It’s not even the worst year in my lifetime–that has to be 2001, the year of 9/11. Still, it’s been a dumpster fire of…
The AAR staff will soon begin pulling together their top romances of 2022 lists. I’ve been thinking about mine–I love these lists! My current top pick is easy–I’ve only given five stars to one romance published in 2022: Trish Dollar’s The Suite Spot. I love it as much as I love the first book in…
Lucy Hutton and Joshua Templeman. Claire Randall and Jamie Fraser. Stella Lane and Michael Phan. Naledi Smith and Thabiso Moshoeshoe. Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy. Dominic Frey and Silas Mason. Just to name a few. Romance is rife with swoon-worthy couples, lovers whose union is literally the stuff that dreams are made of.
Hey Dabney, what’s your favorite contemporary romance written in the past five or so years? Oh, no question, it’s Sally Thorne’s The Hating Game. I ADORE that book. So you must be a Sally Thorne fan then, right? Um… no. 100% no.
Congratulations! I can’t imagine attending a wedding in India! If what I’ve seen is any indication, it looks to be an amazing experience. I don’t have any great advice as mother of the groom (my son isn’t married), but just go with the flow, especially in another country where all the traditions and expectations might be very different. I know you’re widely traveled, so I expect you will be able to just go and enjoy the new experience.
I’m going to hit you up for visa advice once they are married.
I suspect it will be quite different for them since they will already be married. But either way, they’ll need to be patient because it’s generally a slow process. If she’s just going to come for visits, then it might not be much of an issue, but for residency the process takes a while. One estimate I read when we were deciding whether to bring Josh here before or after the ceremony was that getting a green card for a nonUS citizen married abroad to a US citizen can take 12 to 18 months, partly because they want to “prove” the marriage is real and not just a way to get the spouse into the US.
Of course, the fiance visa Josh used took four years to be approved due to Covid shutdown and subsequent staff reductions. (They applied in December 2019 and he arrived here Oct 14th of this year.)
Yeah–but, believe it or not, it will be easier than what my son faces in India!
My daughter, who is presently residing in India, applied for her American passport renewal in 2020 and it came through in 2023. I believe the bottleneck at the consulate offices has eased considerably in recent months. But getting a visa is a lot quicker and easier than a spousal green card.
Btw, if you are planning to wear an Indian dress at the wedding, beige embellished with embroidery and beads will actually look lovely.
It’s not the American passport that’s the issue. It’s living permanently in India that’s the bigger challenge.
I, personally, dislike any and all brownish clothes. I think other people look gorgeous in it–I also don’t wear yellow or orange–but it just isn’t for me personally!
If I’m understanding you, then getting permission to live permanently is India for your son is the big challenge? If so they are smart to try to make sure she can live in the US if he can’t stay in India. Best wishes for them both.
Yes. And thanks!
I am sure both your son and his soon to be wife are already aware of this: just like his wife becomes eligible for an American green card by virtue of being married to an American citizen, your son also becomes eligible for a permanent India visa called OCI card by virtue of being married to an Indian citizen or a person of Indian origin. That’s how my American son-in-law got an OCI card because my daughter, though born and brought up in the US, is considered a person of Indian origin. Needless to say, all bureaucratic processes on both sides can be trying and time consuming. As an amusing aside, I am told that there are temple gods in India praying to whom will guarantee one’s visa!
I am hopeful that, in time, they will be able to create the life they want!
It will be colorful and you will enjoy the colorful part, definitely. Be prepared for the sensory overload. Inter-cultural weddings take many forms. But if it requires you to only show up as the groom’s party, your enjoyment quotient will go up significantly. The bride’s family will go the extra mile to make sure it is as seamless as possible for you. I am assuming the bride is of Indian heritage.
Yes, she is a native of India.
Congratulations! Keep smiling is my advice which was passed along to me by a friend. That way you will look your best in pictures that could be looked at for many years.
I love this!
No advice, but congratulations to your family and your son, Dabney!
My advice is to relax and enjoy the wedding. Too many people worry about getting every detail right, but in my experience most of the guests don’t notice or care (except maybe about the food, but with an Indian wedding the food will most likely be delicious). The guests are there because they are friends and family who wish the couple well (and if they don’t, they shouldn’t be there), so all they really care about is participating in this joyous event as the couple start their new life together.
My oldest son married a woman whose family had roots in India, and it was one of the most fun weddings I’ve ever been to. Very colorful, very happy, scrumptious food. I think you’ll have a great time.
No advice from me either (beyond just go with the flow and enjoy yourself) but congrats to you and your (new) family.
The advice I got when I was mother of the groom was, “Show up, shut up, and wear beige.” But I suspect that wearing beige at a wedding in India would make you conspicuous rather than the reverse, so just have fun and enjoy everything.
I do not have a single article of beige clothing so I’m hoping that’s not expected!
Wonderful news Dabney, congrats to the happy couple! What an exciting experience to look forward to! I don’t have any advice except to enjoy yourself 🙂
I would reach out to the bride’s family to find out whether they have expectations or whether you have some specific role as the groom’s parents based on the culture locally or family traditions. I was told that there were good colors to wear for different parts of the wedding, by local friends, but do not know enough to say…
Generally, this is a region of the world that is so very welcoming of guests that they would never presume to tell you what they would like unless you ask, and really want to know.
And curiosity plus the genuine wish to be a good participant is so appreciated!
Very practically, asking will also enable you to prepare for such things as lots of waiting, standing, sitting or eating – I need to prepare myself, I.e. have the right shoes for long standing, or have a roomier dress for dancing, or a shawl if I might get chilled, or an alka seltzer if expected to try a lot of unfamiliar food, or make sure I know whether there is any speech I should make, any important person I should make a point of greeting etc. etc.
I am sure you know all that! But as you asked, I chip in.
Have fun!!
I’m a 3rd Indian immigrant, born and raised in the UK and both sets of grandparents were born in India (Gujarat in NW India) and I’ve been back to India for several “big fat Indian weddings” as we affectionately call them 🙂
not sure what part of India you will be visiting, or if it will feature a Hindu wedding ceremony, but typically Hindu & Sikh weddings especially in India are very much dynastic affairs. It’s the coming together of TWO clans, and not just about the 2 people getting married. We don’t (on the whole) term our immediate family to just our nuclear families, and extend familiar ties to multiple 2nd cousins, grandparents 2nd cousins etc. and at a Hindu wedding you can expect invites to all this extended family, ending in guest lists in hundreds. I’ve been to Hindu weddings where the guest list is easily 500+, but it’s slowly changing for generations today.
also Hindu weddings have multiple different ceremonies, and not just 1 wedding ceremony plus a wedding reception. So expect to be eating many times, and the need for multiple outfits!
the guest outfits are always jewel and bright toned, and dependant upon choice the bride will wear red or white, plus a lot of jewels.
luckily the weather is fairly nice in April