We have 113 books tagged as age gap romances. 61 one of them are DIKs. They are, in general, not my jam. (That said, I adore What I Did for a Duke.)
Why don’t I like them? I think it’s because I’m old. If I’d married someone 25 years older than me, he’d now be 87 to my 62. That doesn’t call to me. I also worry about children having–because it’s almost always a man who’s got the age edge–a dad who isn’t there to see them as adults. Yes, yes, I know that can happen to any child but the odds go up when you have your first child in your 40s and 50s. The power dynamic in books like that is also, in many, off-putting to me. (A lead who calls their lover Daddy is a sure predictor of a DNF for me!)
But I am a victim of my own biases and they aren’t share by many many romance readers. And I always love to be proved wrong. (Really.) So, change my mind. What age gap romances do you love and why?
I don’t remember specific examples but as long as it’s not a really horrible difference (one side is just coming out of childhood and the other is a full-fledged adult or one side is a teenager or in their early 20’s and the other side could be their grandfather or grandmother) then I’m fine personally I’d be with both a younger and older man. I will not judge that in a romance but I definitely do not understand what is sexy in comparing your partner with your father hahaha although well within the genre of romance that I read Christian and closed door I have never seen that of “Daddy” plus the counterpart where the older hero calls the heroine “girl” or “little” what I endure only at the beginning of the relationship when they still do not fall in love and he does not see her as a woman I do not understand how you can treat the person with whom you are kissing like a child (the hero is usually older in many cases).
LaVyrle Spencer´s Family Blessings – I utterly loved the realism of it, with all the reluctance of the older woman and all the family growth needed for a Happy End.
Generally, I do not mind age gaps. My parents were 22 years apart, my dad got very old and only died in his youngest child‘s upper 40-Ives, so I am just not sensitive to it at all.
I need to believe in connection between lovers, and in true consent. This makes many age gap books tricky, but that is a consequence, not the reason I dislike many age gap books.
I’m so glad you mentioned LaVyrle Spencer, as she’s going back a ways. I loved so many of her books, Family Blessings being one, and Years being another – Linnea was 18 and Teddy was 34. I haven’t read it in a long, long time, but I’m hoping it still holds up well, especially since it was set in 1917. I just remember the age gap as really being handled realistically, with Teddy having the most qualms and his teenage son first having a crush on Linnea.
When age-gap romances are mentioned, I automatically think of Heyer’s These Old Shades – a book that I loved as a teen and loathe as an older adult! The age-gap seems vast in this, I think, as Avon takes in a young boy he finds on the street, who turns out to be the heroine. He consistently calls her “my child“, even when the romance has developed, which is just a big NO for me.
I wouldn’t seek out a book because it features an age-gap romance, but I have enjoyed some well-written ones.
Alexis Hall’s For Real features a 20 year age-gap between MCs embarking on a BDSM relationship. I usually very sharply swerve BDSM romances but this is a terrific book that very cleverly deals with the power dynamics within relationships – and life, really.
A few weeks ago I read You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty by Akwaeke Emezi, which I found absolutely stunning. The grieving heroine falls in love with the father of a potential boyfriend, causing the expected fall-out. It’s beautifully written, set in a beautiful location – if I had to describe it in one word, it would be ‘lush’.
I still like These Old Shades, but I understand why you may not. Another age-gap historical with a teen and a 40-something man is Noble Satyr by Lucinda Brant. I enjoyed that, too, especially on audio (now recorded by Mary Jane Wells as well as the original audio with Alex Wyndham–both are fabulous). I can’t help but think Brant was heavily influenced by These Old Shades, but she did make the story her own. In both stories the young women have life experiences that matures them and are also the instigators of the romance.
I agree about For Real. It’s not a comfortable story, but it’s powerful. I rarely read any BDSM books but I kept hearing how good this was, so I gave it a go. I doubt I’ll ever relisten to it, but I still give it an A.
I generally like age-gap stories, although they have to be handled properly. It was common in older HR – and probably reflected the reality of that time to an extent, with men in their thirties marrying young woman “straight out of the schoolroom”. Plus, there’s 16 years between Emma and Mr. Knightley, and if it was good enough for Jane Austen, then it’s good enough for me!
I don’t do Daddy-kink stories – although it’s a common trope in m/m, it’s usually something I run away from; that said, I did listen to an Annabeth Albert one a while ago, in which there wasn’t much of an age gap and the “Daddy” was the younger man, so in terms of the trope, it has more to do with attitude than it does with age.
I think my favourite age-gap story is probably N.R. Walker’s Thomas Elkin trilogy. The gap is huge – 22 years – and yet the author makes it work spectacularly well, principally because Cooper (the younger man) is mature for his age, and she makes it so clear that he is absolutely what the older Thomas needs in his life.
Annabeth Albert’s At Attention is another favourite – I think the gap is around 12 years or so – again, it works because the author does the work to make the reader see just how right the two leads are for each other. (Her recent Bring Me Home had similar vibes).
The leads in Jay Hogan’s recent The Art of Husbandry are over ten years apart – one is just thirty, the other is early forties. The gap in Pinot and Pineapple Chunks is similar, except it’s early twenties and early thirties, which I think is harder to pull off because a character in their twenties is still working out who they are and who they want to be. That said in that – and Thomas Elkin and At Attention – the age gap featuing a character in their twenties works because the author puts so much work into showing us that the younger character is the perfect match for the older one.
Also, I think an age-gap can mean different things to different people. In Nicky James’ Valor & Doyle series, I think the leads are 35 and 42 when they meet – I don’t class that as an age gap, but I’ve seen in some reviews that some readers do. Larkin and Doyle in the Memento Mori series are the same ages (roughly) – again, I don’t class 7 years as an age gap (there’s just under 7 years between me and Mr. Caz). I think I define an age gap as ten years or more, (Mal and Seong Jae in the Criminal Intentions series are a decade apart) although it seems that for younger readers (20s and 30s, maybe) 5 years is a massive gap. Also, in the James and Poe books, the age difference is rarely mentioned; the characters aren’t bothered about it. (And if they’re not bothered, why should I be?)
I do think the trope is a lot more common in m/m than in m/f these days, and I suspect that may, in part, be due to the fact that the power differentials are different in m/m.
I’m thinking there’s also less focus on creating kids than there is in a lot a het romances?
That’s true, but for me it’s more feeling less comfortable with the perceived power imbalance between say a 23 year old woman and a 43 year old man. I certainly wouldn’t rule out a book based on that (it happens more frequently in historical romances I think), but it’s not my favorite. For m/m I really don’t care much about the age differences if it’s handled well.
Why isn’t there the same imbalance between a 23 year old man and a 43 year old man?
There is that, although I sense the baby-making is becoming less important in m/f CR as well. But I’m not sure that’s why age gaps are less of an issue in m/m – like Carrie, I think it’s much more to do with the absence of the kind of power differentials found in m/f.
I think it’s odd that we assume there’s an innate power differential in m/f that isn’t in m/m. Why?
Patriarchy.
That’s just too broad a brush for me.
Our society, either explicitly or implicitly, still condition men to feel their needs are more important tham womens. No, “not all men,” but way too many and I’ll argue it’s the majority of men, even if it’s subtle and they don’t realize it. There is an ingrained privilege to being male in America and in the world, and even more to being a white male. And yes, there are many successful women breaking barriers, but the fact they still have to break them is telling.
There are more women living in poverty than men, more single parent women, sexual harrassment is common, sexual violence is also common, and there’s a wage gap that hasn’t budged in over a decade.
It’s that pervasive discrimination of women in real life that means I can rarely read a contemporary m/f book without seeing it through that lens of patriarchy.
There are definitely power differencials that can come into play in m/m romances, but it’s different. There may be discrimination due to sexual orientation, but usually both characters are going to be subject to it.
If none of this bothers you as you read m/f, then that’s great! I’m not saying it should. I’m just saying please don’t dismiss my experience or anyone else’s experience just because it doesn’t bother you. Patriarchy is real and powerful in the world and it definitely colors how I read.
I am not dismissing your perspective or that of @discodollydeb.
I said that was too broad a brush FOR ME. That’s not saying your experience isn’t valid. It’s saying I see it differently. We all bring our own lens to conversations here and the expectation should not be that disagreeing with someone or saying you see things differently is a criticism.
I fully support your voice as well as those of all who comment here. One of my favorite things about our community is that we do bring differing perspectives to interesting conversations.
I apologize if I’m reading into your words. I should know better than to try to decern tone in written responses.
My reply was actually meant to be to your original comment on why would we assume there is an innate power differential in m/f than in m/m. I think it’s obvious why we assume that, because it’s true in real life. And that imblance does not exist between two male characters.
The gender imbalances in real life are objectively true in our society, not just in my head. That may not bother you when it comes to your reading choices, and as you said, that’s absolutely fine. We all have things we don’t tolerate well in our reading and things we accept that others don’t.
Again, I am sorry if you feel dissed.
I do feel strongly that there are many het m/f relationships where the power dynamics are not limited by the patriarchy.
As a great article in the WaPo by Christine Emba just pointed out:
“Worrying about the state of our men is an American tradition. But today’s problems are real and well documented. Deindustrialization, automation, free trade and peacetime have shifted the labor market dramatically, and not in men’s favor — the need for physical labor has declined, while soft skills and academic credentials are increasingly rewarded. Growing numbers of working-age men have detached from the labor market, with the biggest drop in employment among men ages 25 to 34. For those in a job, wages have stagnated everywhere except the top.
Meanwhile, women are surging ahead in school and in the workplace, putting a further dent in the “provider” model that has long been ingrained in our conception of masculinity. Men now receive about 74 bachelor’s degrees for every 100 awarded to women, and men account for more than 70 percent of the decline in college enrollment overall. In 2020, nearly half of women reported in a TD Ameritrade survey that they out-earn or make the same amount as their husbands or partners — a huge jump from fewer than 4 percent of women in 1960.
Then there’s the domestic sphere. Last summer, a Psychology Today article caused a stir online by pointing out that “dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as relationship standards rise.” No longer dependent on marriage as a means to financial security or even motherhood (a growing number of women are choosing to create families by themselves, with the help of reproductive technology), women are “increasingly selective,” leading to a rise in lonely, single young men — more of whom now live with their parents than a romantic partner. Men also account for almost 3 of every 4 “deaths of despair,” either from a suicide, alcohol abuse or an overdose.
And while the past 50 years have been revolutionary for women — the feminist movement championed their power, and an entire academic discipline emerged to theorize about gender and excavate women’s history — there hasn’t been a corresponding conversation about what role men should play in a changing world. At the same time, the increasing visibility of the LGBTQ+ movement has made the gender dynamic seem less stable, less defined.
Because men still dominate leadership positions in government and corporations, many assume they’re doing fine and bristle at male complaint. After all, all 45 U.S. presidents have been male, and men still make up more than two-thirds of Congress. A 2020 analysis of the S&P 500 found that there were more CEOs named Michael or James than there were female CEOs, period. Women are still dealing with historical discrimination and centuries of male domination that haven’t been fully accounted for or rectified. Are we really worrying that men feel a little emasculated because their female classmates are doing well?
But millions of men lack access to that kind of power and success — and, downstream, cut loose from a stable identity as patriarchs deserving of respect, they feel demoralized and adrift. The data show it, but so does the general mood: Men find themselves lonely, depressed, anxious and directionless.”
I agree DDD. I’ve been on a personal bandwagon for the last few decades to convince friends that we need to do a better job of raising all of our kids but especially girls, to believe they must prioritize being financially independent. Even in a great marriage, everyone needs to have their own money – whatever the source. Bad things can happen when people find that they are not financially independent.
That issue (financial independence) rarely comes into play in m/m romance because both characters generally expect to support themselves and behave accordingly. (Clearly I’m not talking about “sugar daddy” characters, which most AAR readers do not enjoy – myself included).
There are power differentials in m/m – I just think they’re different ones and aren’t usually gender-based.
Interesting comment Caz re: Thomas Elkin series. For me, the age gap works – not because Cooper is what Thomas needs – but because Cooper so clear and absolutely sure of his feelings for Thomas. Cooper as is written is Thomas’ emotional and artistic equal even if the two have different preferences for a few things in their lives that is age-based (e.g. music, clothes).
Agreed. It’s superbly written all-round, and the author makes it so clear that they are absolutely right for each other in every way and age has no bearing on that.
I never seek out age gap romances in either m/m or m/f, the two main categories of romance I read. I’m not opposed to it on principle, but as a trope I don’t find it sexy or appealing. I read more m/m than m/f these days precisely because there are fewer built in power differentials. I suspect the lack of appeal of age gap has similar reasons behind it. And I 100% agree with the comment about Heyer’s These Old Shades, add to which the implications the male love interest is actually gay, and would prefer Leon to Leonie!
Why do you think he’s gay? What we consider effeminate was considered high fashion in the 1700’s, so his heels and rouge and mincing walk were very in style. The duke’s character in These Old Shades is a reworking of an early novel by Heyer, the Duke of Andover from The Black Moth, in which he kidnaps a young woman. I read mostly m/m fiction and have no problems with gay characters, obviously, but I don’t think Duke of Avon was queer.
The hero in Mary Balogh’s Heartless (late 18th C) is considered the height of masculinity and sexiness – in his make-up and red heels!
I enjoy age-gap romances and have over 70 on my age-gap shelf on GR. Most are m/m, which makes sense since gender politics plays into why I don’t often like m/f contemporaries, much less age-gap ones. The exception on my list is Pretty Face By Lucy Parker.
I’ve read a lot of the same books Caz has listed (I also love the Thomas Elkin series), but I’ll add these (I’m not sure about how large the age gaps are in these books, but generally the gap has to be at least 8-10 years for me to tag in on my GR shelf):
In Step by Jay Hogan, part of the wonderful Painted Bay series. Older dance choreographer and a young rather lost young man.
Flare by Jay Hogan, first in the Style series.
Farview by Kim Fielding, a really lovely fantasy laced story. I also enjoyed Treasure, the novella that precedes Farview, and also has an age-gap romance.
Galaxies and Oceans by NR Walker
Pretty Face by Lucy Parker
Life Lessons series (starts with Life Lessons) by Kaje Harper. this is a three books series following the same couple.
In m/f historicals, I’ve also enjoyed:
These Old Shades, Venetia, Faro’s Daughter, Arabella, etc by Georgette Heyer. she loved age-gap stories!
Noble Satyr by Lucinda Brant (which owes a lot to These Old Shades, imo).
I think there can be a mentoring quality to age-gap romances if it’s handled right with the older partner adding some stability and life experience (In Step), just as I think there can be sort of the opposite, the younger person rejuvinating the older one’s life and outlook (Thomas Elkin Trilogy). For me it’s about respect and not control. And I do not enjoy daddy kink.
psst – Life Lessons is 4 books 😉
In Step is quite possibly Jay Hogan’s best book.
Oopsie! I know that! I’ve listened to that series twice already. 🙂 And yes, In Step is amazing. That whole series is top-notch.
I don’t think of Life Lessons as an age gap story. I thought the two leads were about the same age?
Tony is mid-late twenties and Mac is mid-late thirties, I think, so there’s maybe 8 years between them? Like you, I didn’t immediately think of the age gap – it’s hardly mentioned IIRC.
There’s about 10 years between them, so I consider it an age-gap. It’s mentioned that Tony is “barely older than his (high school) students” in the first book, so I think he’s not long out of college, so mid twenties (I think only 25/26) and Mac is in his mid/late 30s.
I’m surprised no one has mentioned LIBERATING LACEY by the radio-silent-for-many-years-and-terribly-missed Anne Calhoun. Lacey is 36 and recently divorced. She has a one-nighter with a younger cop (iirc, he about 28), but that continues beyond one night. Interesting because Lacey is not only older than the hero but she’s also wealthier and well-established in her profession.
I was going to mention Alexis Hall’s FOR REAL, but several others have beaten me to it. Not only is there an age-gap, but there’s an upending of expectations as it is the younger, smaller hero who is the top/dom in the relationship. Hall’s St. Ives trilogy (HOW TO BANG/LOSE/BE WITH A BILLIONAIRE) is also an age-gap—not quite the 20 year gap of FOR REAL, but at least a decade.
Definitely seconding Lucy Parker’s Pretty Face as an age-gap romance that worked for me! (I think the heroine is 26 and the hero is about 40.) I’m not generally a fan of the trope, though, for reasons that have already been mentioned.
That said, I don’t really consider “age gap” the same way in historical romances, where you often have heroines in their late teens paired with heroes in their 30s. That would be icky (for me) in a contemporary romance, but the norms in Regency England were different, so it doesn’t strike the same way in that context. Plus, I think of “age gap romances” as stories in which the age difference is a significant obstacle to the relationship, which isn’t usually the case in historicals.
A note for historical romances: many age gaps were because a partner in a prior relationship died. My maternal grandfather’s first family died before he married my grandmother (13 years younger). IIRC, quite a few age-gap HR also include a hero looking for a new mother for his now motherless children.
True, true.
In general, I don’t care for age gap romances when the age difference is constantly mentioned, a source of angst for either partner, and/or there is a large power or maturity differential. Too many age gap romances fall into one or more of those categories.
On the other hand, there are some circumstances in which an age gap love story can work for me. For example, a younger person who has had a hard life and had to grow up too fast may be “wise beyond their years” while an older person may be a bit immature or “young at heart” compared to others their age. In either of those situations, an author can make the case that these two people can cross the age gap and become equal partners in a romantic relationship.
One of my favorite age gap stories is one mentioned by others, In Step by Jay Hogan. It has a younger person who’s had a harder life, and an older one who has had a relatively easy time of it, which fits with the dynamic I enjoy. While the age difference is mentioned occasionally, it’s not a big deal at all, which is also more to my liking.
I’ve always had a fondness for age gap romances, particularly historical.
A selection of favourites:
Thanks for reminding there’s another one I love: My Lord and Spymaster. Were their ages ever specified?
I think so, but I don’t remember how big the age difference is. I’ve tagged it May/December, and I usually only do that when I’m certain of the ages. Obviously a re-read is in order. 🙂
How lovely to see IASHM’s mention of The Duke and Miss Denny. I remembered it and also how much I liked Joy Reed’s writing. I just found a review of it that I posted on Amazon in 2005 is still there. It’s also still on my “Can’t Bear To Get Rid Of It” shelf. A re-read is in order.
It’s absolutely worth a re-read. 🙂 It’s one of my go-to comfort reads.
Not just one but two fans of The Duke and Miss Denny by Joy Reed!! Thought I was the lone fan. 🙂 Regular re-read for me too.
I have no objections to age gap romances when they seem to both be reasonably mature (or not). I think that’s the case in What I Did for a Duke. Another historical that I really enjoyed was Julie Anne Long’s Beauty and the Spy. Nothing is made of the age gap in the story but I remember figuring out that he had to be at least 17 years older. However, he didn’t act it.
The ones I dislike are the ones where the heroine acts like an immature fool and the hero acts like a tolerant parents. Heyer does this too often.
I enjoy Laurie R. King’s Mary Russell and Sherlock Holmes series (mystery with romantic elements). Th significant age difference is a theme throughout the series.
I just wanted to add that I picked up Deal Maker by Lily Morton to relisten to this weekend and need to add it to my age-gap favorites. It’s clever and funny.